


Can't Break My Heart if I'm Not In Love

by noconceptoflife



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Canon Compliant, Denial of Feelings, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-09
Updated: 2017-03-09
Packaged: 2018-10-01 11:32:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10189010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noconceptoflife/pseuds/noconceptoflife
Summary: One only learned about other colors as they fell in love. One only learned all colors once they'd been around their soulmate long enough. Tucker's been around these assholes for years, there's only one new addition and Tucker is sure he's not falling love with him. That can mean only one thing.





	

Grey and blue, those were the only colors Tucker had known most of his life, and he was happy enough with that. He hadn’t needed any other colors. He was happy enough just calling things ‘dark’ and ‘light’ in his head as he looked at things. 

The range of colors someone could see was directly related to the kind of people they loved. That, or the kind of love that was the most powerful to them. No one Tucker ever knew saw in the full spectrum of colors, only people who find their soulmates get that. Church could always see in the full range of colors, even after Alison died the last time.

Tucker’s colors were always bright blues, and the only time that had changed was when he had Junior. Then he could see the full spectrum of blue once his bond with his kid grew over time. Gaining his sword had brought a certain shade of green into his sight. Tucker wasn’t sure how to describe that color at the time since he wasn’t able to compare it to anything. 

It was like that until one day when he was able to see another certain color. The first color other than blue and that one shade of green was yellow. The yellow of Washington’s accents on his armor, to be exact.

Tucker had never seen yellow before. He figured that once he met someone he’d fall in love with he’d get shades of green. If he was lucky he’d get purple. The most anyone could hope for were warm colors, a thing that Tucker had never understood before he saw them for himself, or cool colors. His parents had gotten yellow as well as green and blue, but that was rare enough. His mother had started with purple, and his father with Orange.

He’d been mesmerized by it. He had stolen one of the accent pieces right off of Wash’s armor when the man had been sleeping to look at it in greater detail. He couldn’t find any way to compare it, but it was incredible, and he was thrilled that he’d gained something new.

It should have stopped there. It should have just been because he’d gotten a drastic change with Wash as his new captain. It shouldn’t have gone on, he shouldn’t have gained any other colors, but he did.

It started with seeing more and more shades of yellow. Tucker hadn’t understood it, why he could see colors on things he’d seen as ‘light’ as something else. He’d never even known enough about colors to find a certain color distasteful. Tucker found himself almost fascinated with how he could find mustard to be an ugly color.

So maybe the change in leadership affected him a lot more than it should have, so what? He had two full spectrums and a bit of another one, which was more than a lot of people could ever say. Most of the ‘reds’ and ‘blues’ were actually separated by sight. He could tell who his teammates were. They could usually tell who was ‘blue’ and who was ‘red.’ Those who could see into the red spectrum were on the red team. Those who could see into the blue spectrum were on the blue team. Tucker was pretty sure Donut only called his armor ‘lightish red’ because he didn’t know other colors.

He kept getting more colors, more shades of yellow. That was when Tucker had started to panic. He couldn’t chalk it up to just the drastic change in leadership anymore, it had to be something else. Gaining colors either meant one was falling in love, or that they were around their soulmate. And Tucker was pretty damn sure he wasn’t falling in love with anyone, so that meant that his soulmate was within walking distance for quite a while.

He’d been around the same people for years, and only two people had been around once his vision started changing. Tucker really hoped it wasn’t Carolina or Wash. Well, Crash-landing on Chorus meant he’d find out, and once Carolina bailed Tucker had been sure that he was finally free of his new problem.

And then he’d started seeing shades of green.

It had happened while he was running those damn laps. He’d just passed by where Wash was overlooking him, and suddenly there was an explosion of new colors. Tucker had gasped and tripped over himself, nearly knocking himself out in his haste to get out of there even with Wash shouting behind him. Tucker ran off into a little secluded area of the jungle and examined the area around him. He finally had something to compare his first shade of green to. The jungle around him finally had depth and shades and Tucker could have spent hours trying to pick out all the differences.

And after that, he had a temper tantrum that would have shocked even the most hardened of nannies. Goddamn it, why did he have to have agent Washington as his soulmate? Why couldn’t ha have found someone, discovered some new colors with them, and been happy for the rest of his life? It was only once he calmed down he realized that maybe that wasn’t it.

“Okay, maybe I’m in love with Agent Washington. The colors will stop, and I can just pretend that this isn’t a thing.” Tucker said to himself.

It was as good a plan as any, he thought as he straightened up his armor from where it had come loose during his tantrum. After all, Washington himself had never made any sign that he could see colors too. Maybe Tucker was in love and just didn’t know it was love. Tucker didn’t care, he didn’t. He didn’t care.

Maybe if he said it enough it would be true.

And thankfully, he hadn’t gained any more colors after that. The whole time they were in that little canyon on Chorus hadn’t done a thing for him other than give him green. So he was three colors in love with Washington. So what? Not all love was meant to be, even with soulmates like how it was with Church and Tex.

Wash and Tucker fought. Freckles showed up and they fought some more. Felix showed up and the fighting wasn’t that bad. Then they ended up gunned down by the feds.

“Freckles, shake!” Wash had shouted, and color bloomed across Tucker’s field of vision, ignored in the panic of the moment.

“What? No! What are you doing!?” Tucker screamed, but it was likely washed away in the rain of rubble and the rest is a blur until he wakes up.

Tucker found that brown made up most of the world. He’d always known his skin was dark, but he spent a few hours in front of a mirror to look at himself once he was able to see what it really was. With his dark brown skin and dark blue eyes and hair that isn’t as dark. Instead of being black like he thought it had a slight tint of brown which he hadn’t known was a trait of his for a long time. He cut all his hair off where it had grown out over the years

He told himself he was just four shades in love with Washington. He didn’t know for sure though, even as he worked and worked and worked to get Washington and Sarge and Donut back. Orange worked its way into Tucker’s vison but by bit, and Tucker wondered if this was what love color was like. Just his luck, that he gain another shade of color while away from the fucker that did it to him.

The work paid off, and all the orange colors came to him. All that he was missing was Purple and Red, and Tucker hoped it would stay that way. it was easier to ignore the fact that he might have been staring his soulmate in the face –or the helmet, whatever- for the past months once new colors stopped cropping up.

They broke into the fed base to get their guys back. The hard work didn’t pay off, but a stupid plan did. Figures.

“Tucker?”

“Wash?”

Color, more color. Tucker gritted his teeth against it, ignoring it instead of being amazed by it like he had when he saw the first color of Wash’s. Purple wasn’t that nice of a color, it wasn’t that common of a color either. He still didn’t know red or pink, whatever those colors were for Sarge and Donut.

Washington still hadn’t said anything, so neither did Tucker. It went like that on and on and on, until Felix was exposed and they got centered in the capital of Chorus. Tucker expected it to remain that way, but Tucker should know by now that expectations would just bring him down.

“What kind of colors do you see?” Wash had asked. It was a personal question, but they’re close enough to have that.

Tucekr wondered if he should say anything, If he should confess that he almost has the full spectrum of color that he sees over the skyline of Chorus. Would it be worth it?

Tucker lied through his teeth. “I only see shades of blue, and a bit of green. You?”

“Oh.” Wash paused for a moment, and then answered. “Just… just yellow and green.” He said.

Tucker nodded, and choked down the swelling in his chest as the final color bloomed into vision. Tucker hated reds, might as well hate the color red too. What he wouldn’t give to have it go back to blue and grey.

~

Grey and Yellow, those were the colors that Wash knew as long as he could remember. He wasn’t even sure if he ever wanted to know the other colors. He trusted people when they said that the rest of his armor was yellow, and not some strange color he’d never heard of. He didn’t really care to know about the other colors, even after getting a glimpse of them.

Epsilon’s memories were full of colors, confusing colors that hurt to think about so he didn’t think about them anymore, he just put them to the side like the scars across the back of his neck. The whole thing just gave him a few new colors that wouldn’t fade from his vision, mostly shades of green, but not all of them. He’d been fine with those colors, just yellows and a couple of greens, it had been fine.

The whole mess with the Meta just left him ashamed and with a new color that was the flame-orange of the AI that had been the downfall of his friend. All in all, he hadn’t been very eager to find new colors. He’d given up on finding someone to discover colors with a long time ago.

Of course, that didn’t mean that he would never find any other colors. He’d been shocked when he could see a stripe of color in the ground of Valhalla, and then it seemed like every day he’d get a new color. He didn’t have a name for it, so he had to look it up. Brown. One of the most common colors in the worlds. Wash isn’t sure what he’s suddenly seeing them, but he chalks it up to the new almost-peace that he’s found with the reds and blues. He couldn’t tell the difference between them still, but they made it pretty clear.

Until Chorus of course, when he started seeing shades of blue for the first time. He panicked then, letting Tucker run off to do whatever he wanted to do once he finally realized that he could see whatever color Tucker’s suit was. He could hear Tucker cursing and raging about a mile into the jungle, but Wash had nearly buckled at the thought of what this meant. He wasn’t falling in love with anyone, at least he didn’t think. So that meant that either he really didn’t know what love was, or he was around his soulmate.

He went through the process in his head. It wasn’t Caboose or Sarge, he had met them first and there had been no colors. Wash was pretty sure that Simmons and Grif were each other’s soulmates, so they were off the list. Doc and Donut were discovering colors together, so that was out. While Wash didn’t think they were soulmates he also didn’t think that they’d be his soulmates.

That left him with Tucker.

He took a deep breath and decided he’d deal with that thought later. Tucker had been the one to give him a second chance instead of turning him over the authorities.

He had to test this theory. He wondered if his helmet cam even scrolled that far back, but he tried. He could see the other colors from that time tough, but searched for that particular shade of dark brown. He scrolled through some other things before he was able to compare them. He sighed, finding the connection in the darkest brown of Tucker’s hair and the dark brown of that first shade he’d ever seen.

The shades of blue started with Tucker’s armor, and then the other shades came in all a rush. It wasn’t like when he was discovering others, but it was like a toppling line of dominos. Shades upon shades of colors he hadn’t ever seen appeared. He regretted not being able to see the sky back home on earth, or even the ocean.

He worried about what going to sleep that night would be like. He’d had terrible nightmares which was a terrifying blur of colors he couldn’t recall later, but would haunt him later. Epsilon knew all colors, but Wash didn’t except for when he slept or had a vivid flashback.

He didn’t dream that night, but he woke up feeling a lot better, and found that the little bits of color coming to him weren’t so bad.

So Tucker was his soulmate then. It would be better to put that to the side until they were safe. Tucker probably knew, but hadn’t said anything either. Well, if Tucker wasn’t going to bring it up then odds were that he’d needed to go through his thoughts too. There was the chance that Wash was just falling in love, but colors from love came slowly and bit by bit, not all at once. At least that’s what he was told. Most people were lucky to discover two colors with someone, maybe three if they were really committed. Any beyond that were usually either soulmates, or one out of millions.

Wash didn’t see how Tucker could be his soulmate, considering how they fought and argued. That mean jab at how he was just a replacement for Church was still fresh. I just want to stand around and talk to my friend, and all I’ve got is you! That stung a lot more than he felt it should have. Maybe that was telling, that Tucker could hurt him like that. Soulmates weren’t always a good thing.

Freckles, and then Felix had made a pretty big deal. The feds showing up had been terrifying, but Wash knew that the reds and blues would have been a lot more scared than he was. Watching Tucker run that gauntlet and making it over to where they needed power sent a thrill through him. It was something that was a little more than pride, but he couldn’t put a name to it.

“Freckles, shake!” Wash had shouted.

“What? No! What are you doing!?” Wash heard the scream, and new colors blossomed across his vision before the feds locked him up.

He knew somehow that he’d gotten green, but he hadn’t been able to see much of it other than when he looked through his helmet cam. All of the shades were nice, he supposed, even if it came at a terrible price.

He hadn’t expected to learn any others. Purple wasn’t that nice of a color, Wash decided. It was the color of his bruises, and a few other unpleasant things. South and North’s armor was purple, but looking over those memories were still mostly in shades of grey and occasional yellows. He wondered if he’d ever know the difference between their armor.

He thought about Tucker. He didn’t know how Tucker could be a part of those terrorists, but then again, Tucker was one hell of a passionate son of a bitch. He’d die mouthing off, calling someone a fucking cockmunch before they killed him for it. Wash thought about how any moment Tucker might die. If that happened then Wash wouldn’t learn any other colors. Hell, they might both die before even getting to say it out loud.

Washington only realized a few weeks later that the slow learning of purples was probably because Wash found himself falling in love. It was shaky and unreliable at worst, but also new and exciting to think about. Okay, so he was a little in love with Tucker, and maybe they were soulmates. Wash could deal with that. And really, the fact that Tucker could hurt him so much was probably a sign that Tucker meant a lot to him.

It was more potential than anything, but Wash liked the thought of that. That they could try and work on whatever this was when it was all over.

That had to be put to the side though. Tucker and Caboose, along with Grif and Simmons had thought that they were prisoners. Their stupid plan had somehow worked to get to them, but their reunuion was short lived.

“Tucker?”

“Wash?”

Another bloom of color, but it was just Grif’s armor, but Wash hadn’t been able to put a name to it right away.

Wash couldn’t say anything to Tucker, not when Carolina showed up and Tucker had come to him with confessions about leadership. Wash hadn’t been able to do a damn thing, but he was close to falling to his knees and confession everything once Felix nearly killed Tucker. It exposed Felix and Locus, but it had also meant that there would be a lot of changes, and Wash had lost more and more time.

What better time to approach it than when they were settled in the capital of Chorus?

It was supposed to be simple. They had a discussion about training, and Wash would go in with the personal question. “What kind of colors do you see?”

Tucker hesitated a moment, and then answered. “I can see all shades of blue, and a bit of green. You?”

It had been like a punch to the gut. The final color entered his vison, and Wash ignored the sting in his eyes. From tears, or finding the new spectrum of colors? He wasn’t sure. Either Tucker was lying to him, or he didn’t see the colors. Wash didn’t know which was worse.

“Oh.” He said, controlling his voice. “Just… just yellow and green.” He lied, and in that moment he really understood how having all the colors had been a nightmare to Epsilon now that he knew it himself.


End file.
